Stephanie , at the time you were richer.... I think you still are
Stephanie , at the time you were richer.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚… I think you still areπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

This true confession will tell you why you should not let her money stop you from making your move. Shocking true story reveals lessons to be learnt, from a WhatsApp group to a date.

So from poems back and forth. We were making calls talking rubbish, from how she is not happy with the woman grinding beans for her moin-moin, to how we should meet.

And bam, we agreed! A movie date. So, I went for a dutch date (a date where everybody pays for their bill).

She declined and said she’ll get movie tickets and I’ll get food. In my head, food won’t be more than pop corn and drink, so it’s still good!πŸŒπŸ€—πŸ€—


So, I got there first. Date venue was film house Port Harcourt.

Different girls were coming, some I’d wish it was her, some I’d say, “pls don’t be stephanie”

Finally she came… Omooooo… Girl was fine, and with the Abuja accent.. I was thrown off. I wanted to hug her, but I was confused.

All my confidence over the phone flew awayπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Funny thing is Stephanie is still pretty
Funny thing is Stephanie is still prettyπŸ˜ŠπŸ™ƒπŸ™ƒπŸ˜ŠπŸ˜Š

She apologized for coming late, while I tried to savour her beauty without her knowledge. (I wondered if she knew)

I mean, I had to act like I’ve been seeing pretty girls in this PH too na.

Next thing was, “what movie are we seeing.”
β€””Oh, it’s up to you my lady.”
β€” “Paul, please stop all this chivalry”



As she moved to get the tickets, I tried to watch from behind too. Lemme observe the load behind. (I’m an African man, please 😊)

She got the movie tickets and as we got to our meal, she said, “Paul, I’m on my period, and I eat a lot during my period”

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Which kind scope be this? But then, I felt Steph was too pure to come and do me like this? So, I said, “sure.”

Steph, I had to share this, when you couldn't get enough
Steph, I had to share this, when you couldn’t get enoughπŸ˜…πŸ˜…

Steph got shawarma, salty popcorn and a fruit juice. By this point, she had exceeded ‘budget’. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Meanwhile, I had borrowed N1,000 from my sister to add to N700 in my account. My mind was, popcorn and soft drinks N1,600

She then offered to pay, thinking I had money, that I should transfer to her. Well, I took nothing, only water as not to cross budget.


As we sat for the movie, my mind was on how I would pay back without appearing broke.

After the movie, she said she didn’t feel like going home now, that she wants us to walk around. I took it that I’m being a great date. πŸ€”πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜Š

We started looking (window shopping) at stuffs at the mall. Then she picked a particular perfume, and smelt it, then asked of the price.

I observed with keen interest as I could see that my date, Steph, was richer than I was.

Oh this poem, was mused by her. At the time after a swimming date.
Oh this poem, was mused by her. At the time after a swimming date.

When told the price, she said, “Awwwnnn, so bad.πŸ˜”πŸ˜” I wanted this perfume, but I’m broke, I’ll come back when I’m richer.”

That was it! What do you guys call it again? That was my rhema! πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

While we walked, she yapped but my mind was on the event that just occurred. Omo!

Awwwwwn, so bad. I wanted this perfume, but I’m broke, I’ll come back when I’m richer.

~ Stephanie to the salesperson

This was a perfume that I will be scared to touch, I mean I was a teacher that time, yet to get my NYSC certificate, so yes you can imagine my salary. + It was a private school, where you get to be paid late. πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

I should stop here, as we have reach the moral lesson….


But itchy fingers… Here goes more of the storyπŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡

I was fine sha, and Stephanie was fine too
I was fine sha, and Stephanie was fine too😎😎

Stephanie told me she wanted another movie. . I wanted another, but I was scared, cos I was broke.

So this time, we got there, she asked what I wanted, I said nothing. She persisted, and oh, I felt she was paying, so I took what I wanted.

Only for me to hear, after 2 minutes, “Paul, I hope you know we’re paying with your card this time?”

πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜­πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ HaewπŸ™†!


Then she said, don’t bother. She paid. I ate slowly, while at the movie, I felt so indebted, and it seemed like I had lost control.

Steph acted normal. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ after the movies, we took a cab to her house, fare was about N2,000. Meanwhile my house was N100 away.

I followed her to her house, and promised a second date.

After that date, I went to meet my employer for my salaries been owed πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ™†πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Stephanie has always been cheeky
Stephanie has always been cheeky

… Fast forward, there was another date, a swimming date, and then a birthday at her house.

Somehow sha, life happened between us both.

But the conversation I had with Stephanie in the cab back home was why I was able to publish my first book that same year 2019. We had met in June and by October, my first book – THE VISIT was out in paperback and on online bookstores.

2 years on, I’ve found it easier going after ladies irrespective of their finance. But far from dating, the lesson I want you to learn is this.

Stephanie tree climbing
Stephanie tree climbing

When she saw that perfume, she didn’t shy away from it, as I would have done. She picked it, and thought of how to get it, and then she said, “I will come back for it when I’m richer.”

Maybe she never went back to it. Maybe she never did. But she conditioned her mindset that she could get it.

It’s the same thing you should have for your life. You should never have that mind of “I CAN’T AFFORD IT”. That’s a statement or mindset of the poor.

P.S.: Don’t just leave without a comment. Share one, your thoughts on this, it encourages us to do more. and if you enjoyed this article. Do well to share too.


Yesterday, Friday; if someone had told Cynthia that she would spend the night in a hotel with a stranger who wanted to ‘knack’ by all means, she would have said ‘God forbid!’

But that was exactly what happened!

Cynthia shares her story:

So this guy met me yesterday, I was late and in a hurry to work. He was in a keke napep and I was walking past.

He stopped o and was like I look beautiful and he’d like to talk to me later and that I’m his spec and all that.

Cynthia shares her story

I hurriedly gave him my number and left. This guy called me close to 20 times yesterday. He said he’s a doctor and his car was in the mechanic and he was going to check his site when he saw me.

That he really needed to see me before he travels back to Abuja. That he came back to Port Harcourt for his mom’s funeral.


I got back from church by 7:50pm. I met with him at 8:08pm. Having in mind that curfew is 8:30pm, so twas supposed to be brief.

Omo… Twas 8:40pm and I know the OSPAC in my area is lenient till 9pm or past 9pm. He said the mechanic was bringing his car and that he’d drive me home.

So we were talking and waiting for this ”Mechanic”. He asked me and I told him some business ideas I had and all that.

Guy 9:45pm… I told him, “call your mechanic na.” He ‘called’ him and the response was that police held him but he’s still coming.

10:30pm… I reminded him to call him again. He said Oh! OSPAC held him and now we have to lodge.


Broke ass nigga said his card was in his car. That his phone went missing and the sim he was using was not joined to his bank.

That I should pay and he refund me in the morning. I was already furious cos my younger siblings won’t sleep on time if he doesn’t see me.

I had already told my mom that I was close to the house. I had to lie a white lie and tell her that OSPAC were arresting people β€” true; and also that I was in a hotel and have to pass the night.


She was angry but I did a video of the room when the guy was in the bathroom so it looked like I was alone. I had my bath and just wanted to close my eyes and wake up to 5am. Didn’t happen exactly!

He started saying. I’m his woman now and was coming towards me with the whole “Let’s fuck vibe!”

Started touching my boobs and ass and I noticed he was erect and kept repeating, “you’re my spec.” I was getting irritated by the minute. He got intense and started asking me to please help him cum.


I just turned over. Covered myself and was trying to force myself to sleep. He knelt down. Took the hotel bible and was ready to swear he didn’t mean any harm.

I refused. He got angry and came to lie down. I now opened my big mouth to tell him. I actually thought maybe he was genuine and I would’ve given the relationship thing a thought.. But it seems he’s playing. Ah!

This guy combined the pain from the erection and rejection and flared up o, talking about disrespect and what nots.


πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ where did he get bible from?

You know how there’s a bible in every hotel.

Before this ehn, I checked his phone and found that he didn’t make any calls. No mechanic was coming! Last dialled was me!
Last received was me!! Last missed was me!!!

I put two and two together and figured he was a fraud all along. Didn’t know if he was lying about everything


He was lying about some. Omo, I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to leave!

Wow! Just Wow! This happened in the city of Port Harcourt. What other similar story have you had? If you do, share in the comment section below:

P.S.: . We apologize for any resemblance, though this is a true story but the name have been changed to encourage others to share similar story, and to hide identity.


Marriage picture

Marriage is one thing that many would never understand. Most people try to equate it with dating and relationships. But then, they are not the same thing.

Most folks even try to create the feeling of marriage by cohabiting. Does it work? My dear, it doesn’t. As a matter of fact, I advise against co-habitation. Why? Co-habitation does something to you, it is a slippery slope.


It often happens because you start feeling like you both can not keep your hands away from each other. You are almost in the house of one of you, all the time. So, instead of spending multiple fee on rent and bills, you just move in.

Well, not to deviate; in this decade or should I say century, there has been quite a number of divorce more than times before. Especially in my part of the world.


There has also been a debate of educated wife vs uneducated wife. There has also been a debate of marrying someone less educated.

Could education be an obstacle to a happy marriage? Are we advising that females should stop being educated or a bit less educated?

I used to think that money promised a happy marriage, but then, look at Bill Gates and Melinda Gates, whose marriage you’d think would be the perfect one.


A friend of mine, Favour, said the reason is because for the educated, its a battle of wits. But then, I can’t wish for my wife to be uneducated when I am educated. The differences in this marriage would be too obvious.

What do you think is the reason for marriage of the educated faring worse than the uneducated?


If you want to knack say it
Photo credit: Nole grapix

Omooo. A lot of posts are hanging in my head and pulsing to come out, but this one I couldn’t wait to post. I know its about knack and it is morning butttt. πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

There is a Champions League final this evening β€” Chelsea vs Manchester City. I am a Chelsea fan, a not so optimistic one, and today it’s the whole of my nation β€” Nigeria, against Chelsea. Plus, I might just be saving someone, so its dropping this morning.

My friend Stella posted a picture on her WhatsApp status, and I replied, and then my dear readers, this conversation ensued.

The knacks post

So, I told her that n**gas would give if they got p***y, and also that sex is actually both ways, not like only one person enjoys it.


The Knack Convo:

I understand. But, its you guys audacity for me o. Come lets chill, you dey expect f**k without letting the girl know what you want. Na wa O!

πŸ˜β€¦. If a guy say f**k for instance, shey you go say whether him think say you be ashawo? If he offers money too for it, you’ll feel somehow.

If you say or you don’t say. Its the same thing. So its better you say it.

As a matter of fact, if I offer money for knacks, I won’t enjoy it cos e go be like say na olosho levels.

to knack or not to
Photo Credit: Noble Grapix

But if you f**k without offering money. You will enjoy it. F**king a girl that is not your girlfriend is what? Na still olosho level things.

F**king a girl you’re not married to, na still olosho things


See. You can spend money ehn, become friends, catch cruise, knack. But not, ‘pay me before u knack.’

I prefer someone telling me he wants to f**k o. Then I prepare my mind say na knack I wan knack.

Waiiiitttt! Are you saying it’s better for a guy to just say I want to f**k? Cos ehn …. Many times, a girl you wanna vibe with ends up catching feelings and things spoil


No be everybody dey collect money. It’s left for you two to decide if she wants money or she wants fun. The point is to let her know first!


Wait, say I’m a guy ehn. How would you want this to come out? Or you’re a guy talking to a lady, how would u want it to be? How do you come up front to say, see I want to knack you!

Come let’s chill and have fun. Don’t mind if we make love too. Very Simple!

You don’t have to sound rude. E get the level of friendship weh you go deh with person. You fit just say, “make we f**k.” All these depends on the level of friendship.

Omooooo πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”

Omoooo. If a guy sends you this message, what will you do?

If I don’t want to have sex, I will say, “alright, that’s cool but I’m not interested in the love making part.”
If I want to collect money, I will say, “alright, but you will pay for it.”
If I want to have fun, I will say, “Okay, what time?”
This life no hard like that. Your level of friendship with someone determines how you present such words to her.


Omooooooohhhhh. Which means you believe in being friends first?

Not with everyone.

If I am a guy, any girl I want to have sex with, I will first tell her o. So you don’t come to my house and be forming saint. If you are in, you come. If you are not in, you go!

Not the one you will use ‘chill’, the girl will come and you will start doing like snake on my body. I fit tear you slap!

We are no more children. We should be ready to chest anything and not be disgusting!

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”Omo… I swear, I like this. But guys don’t like fucking stuffs up. Sometimes cos of relationship.

Even if you say the sex or not. When the girl comes,you will still say it in one way or the other. So, why stress yourself and not make the point clear.

What about those that tease and say, “you look hot, or come sexy” and stuffs like that?

That is a compliment!

But I kinda set your mind to what could happen?

That you said I look hot doesn’t mean there is an agreement on both parties.
That is why all these rape issues come in. We are all grown ups.

So you’re saying there’s no wrong with people saying they want to knack straight up

Yes O, to me.

Now, if a guy invites me, I deh even bring up the topic cos I don’t like that kind of disturbance. If you say yes, If I still want to, I will go. But if I don’t want, I will stay back in my house.

I don big pass that stage weh boy go invite me deh touch me anyhow.


So guys, after enjoying it (the article please πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚), share too, and don’t leave with that comment. drop your comments here, so the convo continuesπŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡


On a date with Joyce Diette-Spiff
Photo Credit: Joyce Diette-Spiff

Good eveeeeeeenniiiiinnnggg. I feel so so so happy doing this. This is the first post since moving into this new building – I mean ‘Paulkaywrite’.

So, you know how you get to meet this special someone on this special date after the both of you seem to connect on every space, from Facebook, to Whatsapp, to mutual friends, likes, and you’re dying to meet this special someone. Finally, a date is fixed, but then anxiety steps in. Would you be able to impress? Would you not make a mistake?

You have that date with that special person that you are meeting for the first time, you really want it to be gold, but you can’t stop being scared that you may not look as pretty as your picture looks or you may not impress, but you really want the vibes you had online to continue. This is how to:


When I say appearance most people begin to think about things they have no control of, like someone who has rabbit-long ears start to think, “do I wear a head warmer to help hide my ear?” Wrong! When I talk of appearance, think of the things you can control.


Put some effort into it. Get a nice hairdo, apply some awesome make up, put on nice clothes, smell nice. Don’t try to downplay the date by appearing ordinary, you are sending the wrong message, and you may never get another date.


The eyes that led to a date
Photo Credit: Joyce Diette-Spiff

This has to be called, yeah. You know how much of a star you are on your Whatsapp, Instagram, Facebook or Twitter. You know how much your ‘fans’ would miss you. But, my dear, if you were not flogged and forced to come on this date, you need to put that phone in a purse or pocket.

Nothing says “I want to leave here” more than gluing your eyes to the screen of your mobile device, while your date goes on yapping to your ears. (laughs) Do that to me and I am leaving right away.

You may be shy, but then if you had the cojones to fix a date, then you should have one to make eye contact!


For a conversation to have grown to the level where you both decided to meet physically, it means you both weren’t just typing, “Hello, Sup,” making monosyllabic replies, so don’t come on here and lay back.

You may find it difficult if you are a very shy person. But my dear, you also have to put in the effort. Just talk about anything you could think about it. You run out of topic to talk about? say it too. It spices up the mood.


If you are the very chatty type, make sure you know the line between being chatty and bragging. Also, a very very important one; ensure you have gotten rid of mouth odour of any sort. I mean it is the first date, but then, don’t go roaring with such wicked halitosis (mouth odour).


Photo Credit: Joyce Diette-Spiff

You know how your mama told you to not talk when eating. My dear, it has not stopped. As much as you want to say that next sentence or reply the question, don’t do it with food in your mouth.

Asides from the fact that you may choke, you may even blurt droppings onto your partner’s food. Whichever way, just avoid such.


Above everything, be yourself. You could be nervous, anxious, broke, or poorer than your date. Do not try to be what you are not. Do not fake it, it will show. It is good to leave a good impression, but when you are faking it, everyone apart from you can know that you are faking it.

If you don’t know how to use knife and fork, don’t fake it. Simply be yourself. I have been on many first dates with different features. There was one in which she was the sponsor surprisingly, it was really hard to not be overtly humble. I mean a girl taking charge of all the bills. But then, you have to be yourself!


Go out there, take on that date and make it a success!

Meanwhile, do well to add a few tips, that I may have missed, I will be waiting in the comment section, and I am sure I am not the only one waiting.


Photo Credit: Big Vee Media

Good morning and compliments of the wonderful season. Its really sad that I have not been as consistent as I would have love to, but I do promise that 2021 would be really great.

So, I was on social media micro blogging app, Twitter, yesterday, and I saw a tweet where someone said a girlfriend is a potential wife.

It puzzles me how many people don’t date to get married. I actually don’t know how it is done.

Photo Credit: Kesco Zagha

I do have this friend who dated this girl back in college (university), we were all in our final year, and I don’t know, but I didn’t see any light at the end of this tunnel, twas all dark.

So one day, I ask the lady, “where do you think this relationship is headed?”

She laughs and replies, “Anywhere the wind takes us, sweetie. Anywhere.”

I spoke no more, cos I am not supposed to know much about these kinda stuffs. Fast forward one month later, and they are done with each other. They talk, but no, they are not getting married.

I know this other couple, who’s been dating for 5 years, but the guy now seems to be tired of the relationship and wants to quit but don’t know how to.

I once asked someone that what is the point of dating someone if you are never going to get married, he replied for companionship. Another said for to have a sexual partner.

Its something I may never know, but would like to know a lot. I remember when I was advised my friend Precious, to try to love and love absolutely. But how do I love absolutely, when I feel the love isn’t going any where?

How are you even sure the love is headed where you want it to? What about a man I know whose fiancΓ©e absconded on the day of the wedding?


Photo by Breakingpic on

Over time, the issue of romance has been a thing between the ‘feminist coven’ and the ‘patriarchy football club’ in Nigeria, with both pointing fingers to each other.

The Nigerian man has always believed that you do need money for a Nigerian lady to be in love with you, while the typical Nigerian woman believes that the Nigerian man has nothing to offer asides his money. With many of the belief that true love does not exist.

Most women even go on to say that if a Nigerian man meets with a lady who is self sufficient and wealthy enough to fend for herself, he shies away, because at this point his money is no good.

They further pointed out the Nigerian man loves a lady who is not equal or more than him on the ‘pocket level’. One who meets the Nigerian man for all her needs, and he then chooses when or when not to give her.

Well, as you may know I am a corp member (corper) in a village – Isua Akoko in Ondo State, and as much as one may say it is a village, I have also come to study the style of life here. I have gotten involved too.

As much as you may not know, there is also ‘love’ here. I came across this ‘beautiful damsel’ (No, not in distress), and in the course of time, I discovered, there were no ice creams here, no restaurant to sit out, no beaches, no cinemas. You could simply say that you do not need money to be romantic in this case.

But before jumping on to conclusions, I decided to hear from 5 Nigerian ladies

Do you think a man can be romantic without money?


Kelira: Yes dear but it helps a lot. Romance is in the little things. The little things that show care bah depending on the lady but you can have all the money in the world and throw money her way but she won’t be satisfied because you will just be the money bag.

Yea for me, as a person it covers a wide range that when listed seems like a chore list but its those things you just do in your spare time to show care.

What is the top three out of your bucket list?

Kelira: As a person I think my major love language is words of affirmation. I like to be told every now and then just how you feel about me, gas me up, sweet talk and I am a sucker for cute text messages. I also appreciate actions a lot because words not backed by actions is just bullshit.

So that foot rub after a long day, that unsolicited cup of coffee that warm bath, that well needed meal (even if you bought it and poured it inside plate and say you cooked it or you cook trash, its the thought that ultimately counts). Covering me up when I am cold and forget to sleep with a blanket, helping me tie my hair up when I am struggling to being my official zip guy.

I am not so big on physical contact but what girl will say she doesn’t like gifts or surprises. A cute teddy bear, a new mug for my coffee, sending me lunch while I am at work because I am too engrossed to leave for lunch, remembering my birthday even if it is chicken Republic you buy and Supreme ice cream and Ribena but setting it up to look like a romantic date for 2 is the best birthday gift ever.

Making me laugh by being silly. Yes, I love Prada, Gucci and exotic vacations and luxury just as much as the next girl but I wouldn’t trade a man that cares, for that.

One could be forgiven for saying its a chore list. But I am sure many ladies would so want this. Now onto our second lady:

Do you think a man be romantic without money?

Precious: Yes, certain gestures are romantic. How broke can a person be to not be able to afford the smallest things? If you can’t afford the smallest things as a person (male or female) leave relationships alone!

Wow! Some would say this is harsh! Out of your huge bucket list, what counts as top three romantic gestures?

Precious: Surprise gifts no matter how little, but very thoughtful and well put out. Dates, and really good simple gestures. Preparing nice meals for your partners when they are busy or stressed out. Nights in watching their favorite shows to make them feel better, etc.

(laughs) The et cetera you added at the end. Now, let’s say I am in a village, with no place for dates, no movie halls. What can count as romantic?

Precious: A picnic. Long good Walks. I’m sure you can get gifts around. Tiny efforts, cooking for your partner.

Do you think a man be romantic without money?

Gift: Yes, they can but I will be completely honest, MONEY does make Love more enjoyable and spice things up a whole lot.
P.S: Women can not be romantic too without money, not just the man. I mean planning a five-star dinner (with your amazing cooking) and gifting your that man an expensive gift (not gotten with his money) is not such a bad idea, is it?

What is the top three out of your bucket list?

Gift: First, I feel the first will be, being able to play and have fun and do things outside the normal with me, being open .

Second, will be a man who compliments and supports my goals and dreams and do some of the things he knows I have passion for or hobbies(hardly find couples that have same exact hobbies the first time they met, it’s learnt).

Third will be a man who can do things with out being asked to do so, like opening the car door, making the bed, surprise me with his cooking. Basically, being able to understand how I feel in a specific moment and being able to do something about it.

Wow! Just Wow! Let us check what the next lady has to say about romance and money.

Do you think a man be romantic without money?


Jessica: Yes.

What is the top three out of your bucket list?

Jessica: Long hugs. Inside jokes😹❀️❀️❀️❀️ah that’s my besttttt. (Inside jokes are jokes which are exclusive to the couple). Helping me with stuffs.

Wow! This is great. Hearing from different ladies, on their take. Though it seems somewhat similar. I would love to this with the male folks sometime.


Photo by Jou00e3o Paulo de Souza Oliveira on

Good morning lovelies, (if its still morning to you). Reading through the stats, I am really glad with the patronage I am receiving round the world. I do wish this can even be translated to many other languages asides English, to promote the patronage. I do appreciate each and everyone of you that visit, you motivate me daily to continue on this journey.

Karen is my friend, my very lovely friend I had met in my mandatory year of national service to my country known as NYSC. I can be a really vivacious person when I do want to be, and Karen just ticks all my boxes. We had met on a Whatsapp group chat for corps members headed to Ondo state, after interactions on the group, our chit chat came to our private inbox and it still went on well.

It was like I had met her all the times of my life. When we finally met, I was a bit scared that she might not actually have the same vibe that she had online, on here physically. But it was not to be, she was a live wire, on and offline. At times, I even felt she was too much for me. Like most people in the emotion filled three weeks orientation camp, I also had a girlfriend. No – It was not Karen, but Karen was still my live wire. At any time, you met her she was happy. “Vivacious” was just the description of her!

After the coronavirus enforced end to our three week orientation course, I and Karen became friends though in different cities of the country. While I was in the Southern city of Port Harcourt, she was in the nation’s capital city Abuja. I liked her, she was smart, more so when she told me she had a saving of over NGN 700,000 (USD 1,818.47) in savings. It endeared me to her, how she could be so frugal and economical in such recessive times. With all these, I was glad I had made quite a friend in the national service scheme, But…..

My friend came to me seeking my counsel on a ‘situationship’ that she had found herself entangled in. Contrary from what you may think, my beautiful Karen was the one being ‘entangled’. She has been having sex with this dude for a while, and it turned out that she had fallen in love with this dude, but the dude who is still broken from the heartbreak he suffered from a seven year relationship with his high school sweetheart, was not in any shape to love. She met me on things to do to make her love him. I had to assure her that she is so loveable and adorable the way she is, but if she is having one-sided feelings for a guy then the need to quit the sex has come.

But she was in love, I told her that she needed to demand clarity or leave. On the D-date where she was to be ‘clarified’, he stood her up! She was mad. My Karen was really mad. My counsel to her? “We all see the red flags but we chose to be ignorant when blinded by love”. At that point, I left things the way they were, only for her to hit me up yesterday that

“She is pregnant!”

“How can you be pregnant? have you told him? how old is the pregnancy?”

She told him, but dude was not ready to have the conversation, and my dearest Karen asked me, “What do I do, Paul?” It was a really rare time, when I had no answer to reply but felt I had to. I was a bit happy and a tad sad when she said, “Paul, I can’t do an abortion, I will keep the baby”.

I was lost for words!

P.S.: The names used on the article were changed from the real names, and I do plead if this bear semblance, but this is a real life story, and your counsel would be appreciated as she would also be in the wings, reading the comments.

Paul Chikaike KaluΒ aliasΒ Paul KayΒ is a prolific writer of prose, poetry, and articles; a content creator, a guest columnist on magazines and blogs, a copywriter with huge experience in ghost writing. A member of Association of Nigerian Authors. Author ofΒ THE VISIT,Β (his first published work on paperback) now onΒ AmazonΒ and onΒ Okadabooks. You can reach out to him onΒ


It is a common tradition and popular culture amongst various climes across the world for people to date, court or be in a relationship first for a certain length of time before getting married – not so certain now, but surely, there is a period between when they meet and when they actually get married, for some it may be brief while for some, a bit longer; but during this period, the overall target is marriage.

Now there is a very thin line between being in a relationship with the prospect of getting married and practically wasting your time with someone. While most people consider a long relationship the ideal type, some however see it as walking on a tightrope, you can trip at any time.

A long relationship they say gives you the rare opportunity to really know what you are about delving into. A time to get fully acquainted with your supposed partner, get to know – their preferences, likes, dislikes, turn-on’s, turn-off’s, their friends and even family members; as these will certainly play a significant role in the determining the success of your marriage, if it eventually leads to that.

It is statistically proven that most persons in relationships usually tend to put up a not-so-true personality at the very first instance just to appear appealing to their partners, coming across as perfect, showing their good sides and traits whilst suppressing their bad sides as much as they can. But time they say reveals everything; this is what a lengthy relationship affords you – the opportunity to see your partner clearly under the bright light of time, their true colors, seeing them for who they really are, then you get to choose either to go ahead, if you think you can handle it or just call it quits if you think you can’t.

However some may argue that in contrast, short relationships brings precision and focus to the table. It gives no room for biting around the bush, playing around as long relationships affords. It gives ample time to explore other options if your current relationship isn’t showing any prospect; not to be tied down to one person for so long a time, then suddenly they wake up one day and decide to call it quits – they are no longer interested in the relationship anymore. This is the scare and situation most people dread thus, try to avoid.

Consequently, the question persists – how long is too long to date your fiancΓ© or fiancΓ©e before getting married? How much time is necessary? Knowing you actually need to know who you intend getting married to at least 70 percent before marriage but at the same time, you don’t want to waste your time in a gamble that may not pay off. The scale is unevenly balanced, how long should a relationship last with marriage in mind, how long is outrageous.

Sampling opinions randomly from different persons on this issue, you will be surprised at what people really think

Femi – A married man with fifteen years of experience under his belt thinks six months is enough and proper to date or be in relationship before getting married. In his words β€œSix months is enough to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with her. Anything more than that is a total waste of time, I met my wife in March and by September we were married.”

Dami – A spinster believes eight months is ideal, and anything exceeding that, she certainly won’t be a part of it. β€œI mean, if you’re serious about getting married, you can’t take a whole year of my life trying to know me first; for crying out loud, you’ll have more than enough time to do so after we get married!”

Angie – A newly married lady thinks three months is enough time for anyone with the intent of marriage to know what they want. β€œI particularly don’t fancy long relationships, it’s a colossal waste of time, a gamble no lady should make.

Victor – A bachelor, in contrary opinion believes two years is okay for relationships, as one really needs to know what they are going into. β€œPersonally I won’t marry a lady I just got to in less than a year, it’s too risky, I won’t do it.”

Dayo – A married man with a dazzling perspective. Day thinks twenty-four hours is okay in knowing your wife and proceeding with marriage rites. β€œI am not a fan of fanfare and ceremonies and I certainly think dating is just a ceremonial trend.”

It is clear, therefore, that they are significantly different time ranges for dating for different people. As they say – different strokes for different folks. There is no clear-cut time as to how long a relationship should last before marriage; bearing in mind that a balance needs to be struck between, knowing your partner better and avoiding wasting your time. Well, it is more personal and emotional than it is scientific.

But if you should ask me of my opinion, I would say, follow your instincts, they are never wrong!


Comfort Eke

‘When a lady gets to at least 25 years, she should be married’. In Nigeria, getting married seems to be an issue of concern in many families. Some want the grand wedding, exquisite clothes for aso-ebi. ‘Our family no dey carry last oh’ in their own words. Some mothers go to the extent of looking for husbands for their unmarried daughters. Aunties will be calling, just to ask if there is a man already. Some aunties go to the extent of saying it’s a spiritual problem that makes people unmarried when their mates are married. Recently I had a conversation with a woman and she said, “getting married is an achievement”.
         But it got me wondering, if marriage was an achievement, why do some married people get divorced? Why do people get married and still feel unhappy? Why do some feel unexcited about getting married? Carrying out a survey on some married women, I found out something very enlightening.

Let’s meet Rebecca, she is a very hard-working woman, skillful and humble. She didn’t complete her education because her parents couldn’t sponsor her. She decided to learn a skill so she could make money. Everything was working fine till she met the man that wanted to marry her. He was well educated, had two masters overseas. She felt the man will support her through school since he knew the importance of education. She got married but she couldn’t fulfill her dream of attaining higher education even after 16 years of marriage. She felt more caged than fulfilled as a married woman.

However, let’s hear Sandra’s story. Sandra was an ambitious woman. She went to school and got a degree in Psychology. She enjoyed her profession and felt so fulfilled as a psychologist. She ended up with a man that believed women should be housewives. He didn’t allow her to continue with her work. They had so much arguments about it and her family supported him. She felt so devastated.

The heartbreaking part was the story of Christy, She was so desperate to get married. She eventually got married to a man of her dreams, rich and handsome. Immediately she started having children, he changed.  She was beaten for even the slightest mistake. Well, she endured domestic violence until she died.

But there were a few women that got married and remained happy in their marriage. Their husband stayed faithful to them. Their husbands were very supportive of their dreams. Their husbands understood them. Even if they had misunderstandings, they usually worked things out.

With all these, can we still say ‘Getting married is an achievement?’ or ‘Having a happy marriage is an achievement’. I know there is intense pressure to get married. I understand that our friends are getting married and we feel desperate to get married. Let’s stop focusing on getting married, but on having the right partner. Marriage is for a lifetime, hence, you have to choose wisely. Not due to circumstances or benefits. I will say it’s better to define your goals, make your dreams clear, develop yourself to be woman of character and get married to someone that will support your dreams and love you for who you are. Be careful as well, so you don’t fall prey to domestic violence.

Comfort Eke is a native of Abia state, Nigeria; from a family of three. She is based in Port Harcourt, Rivers state and a student at the Department of Anatomy in the University of Port Harcourt. She is a writer, an entrepreneur and volunteer.