HOW TO BOOST CONFIDENCE OF A TEENAGE GIRL

Teenage girl

Confidence is a very attractive feature. A very admirable trait. Especially when it is in the life of a teenager, more so a teenage girl.

When people talk about the challenges of teenagers, like peer pressure, drugs, cultism. They don’t know confidence has a lot. A huge lot to do with it.

Many times, its because of low self confidence that pushes a lot of teenagers into things they wouldn’t do normally.

ALSO READ: THE DAY CHRISTMAS BECAME ‘CRYMAS’.

When people see me, they see a confident person. But I wasn’t always this way. There was a time when I didn’t revel walking in front of a crowd. There was a time when a super pretty girl would make me jittery.

Now, I am confident and I don’t know how. I can’t start telling a teenage girl that I look my fears in the eyes. It sounds like I don’t understand her.

She is super confident in her house, her compound, even in her school. But outside these zones, when she walks, she wishes the ground could open up and swallow her. She wishes people would reduce the way they look at her. 😖😖

ALSO READ: MYTH OR FACT: SANTA CLAUS

Now, one of the reason for this is because, as kids, they believed in their parents, totally. They totally believed in their parents. Whatever their parents told them, was the right one.

But as they grew, they started preferring the approval of their friends over their parents.

This teenage girl met me, and was telling me her self confidence (or self esteem) issues.

ALSO READ: 4 NIGERIAN LADIES GIVE CLUES ON HOW MEN CAN BE ROMANTIC WITHOUT MONEY

Now, I’d have told her she’s eating up my time. But I just couldn’t. I let her go on. I had to hear her out.

Cos I know most adults who didn’t deal with this issue in their teenage carried it into adult hood, and she’s 16. What do I tell her to boost her belief in her self.

What ever I tell her, she might find it too big. I actually recommended 2 books, I had the soft copies and promised her a hard copy.

The books — THE CONFIDENT WOMAN by JOYCE MEYER & 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL TEENS by Sean Covey.

But she wanted an advice, a direct advice to a 16 year old teenage girl, and I so badly wanted her to think highly of herself. I mean she is beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, but how do I boost this esteem? 🤔🤔🤔

ALSO READ: 3 GUYS, ONE LADY, ROOMMATES; THE INTERVIEW!

I can teach and give rehearsed speeches or orations on front of a crowd very well. But I still can’t work out something right there in front of the crowd and talk to them.

But I badly want the confidence issues of this teenage girl. So as a confident lady, could you share hints of how you overcame this situation.

As a man too, would you be kind enough to share how you overcame similar issue. Direct advice to this 16 year old teenage girl.

I am sure we also have adults interested to know about this + she is reading the comments too.

WHEN THE ROD BECOMES TOO SOFT TO STRIKE A CHANGE.

MATILDA DIKIBO

“What has become of my child? I have never spared the rod. I never spared a lash on him whenever he does wrong. Now, even when I lash him for his wrongs, he is not improving in his attitude. Counselor, how can I nurture my child through the path to adulthood?

The attitude of a well mannered adults depends solely on the parents or guardians. A growing child needs to absorb every good attitude worth imbibing. Before a child gets to a decade on Earth(ten years), he or she should be able to have values. Values like: intergrity, humility, responsibility, neatness, diligence, discipline, etc.

It is the duty of the parents or guardian to inculcate these values in their children or wards. In the early stages of childhood (toddler), a child’s curiosity is very wild. They always want to absorb what should be done and what shouldn’t be done, what this is and what it isn’t.

This is the period in which the role of the parents comes to play. Neglecting a child during this period may be a thing of concern in few years time. So many vices young adults indulge in is the outcome of negligence on the part of the parents during the toddler age.

Physical punishment or inflicting pain to cause a change of attitude in your children is not the best way. The “rod” as written in the Bible connotes guidance. It entails the adequate guidance of children on the path to good attitude.

Lest I forget, there are children whose improper or poor upbringing is as a result of their environment, ill-behaviour of a parent or both parents. Children brought up in such situation can embrace change when there mind is ready to absorb change.

Oh yes! We are adults. We have our flaws; children are not exempted. Let your children know that they are humans and that there mistakes shouldn’t cause regrets but lessons.

Inflicting pain to cause a child to change bad behaviour can threaten parental connection. Parents are advised to always create an environment of love, serenity, attention and care. When this is done, the parent can talk to the child with love not harshness.

This kind of environment enables the child to open up reasons for their bad attitude. Then, the parents should instill words of wisdom and correction in a soft manner.

Guiding the children to becoming a better version of themselves can not be done through pain infliction. Human changes when the mind is renewed from the shackles of the belief that held them bound in the cage of bad attitude.

Sensitize your children on the consequences of their actions or bad behaviour. If possible, site instances from the scripture or tell them stories which the moral lessons are what you want them to imbibe.

Former minister of social development in South Africa, Bathabile Dlamini, said, “Children are impressionable and when those in position of authority use violent means to encourage discipline, the children understand this as saying violence is permissable when trying to persuade others to act in a certain way”.

The mind is the turning point for every bad behaviour. Proper childhood upbringing is the bedrock for an admirable adulthood lifestyle. Be the first role model and mentor to your children. Pain infliction is not the best way to cause a U-turn in their attitude, mind renewal is the best.

SPARE THE CHILD AND LOSE 21K?

Hannah Ejimofor

My pants down and buttocks bare;
Laid on the punishment table.
Regretting my actions of the past hours.
Recollecting marks that I earned in this position.
And here I am again;
Like meat on the butcher’s table, ready to be cut in pieces with the whip.

First stroke and I didn’t flinch;
Saw daddy’s energy in the second, maybe I really pissed him off.
Wham! My ass breathing pain in and out.
I could see my siblings laughing from the other corner.
Mother preparing a consoling speech in her mind for me.
I already hate whoever told Dad to keep saying “Spare the rod and spoil the child”.

~ Siruis

So, today everyone is talking about the child that came out with a poor grade and was beaten (few slaps) by his dad on Twitter. I will like to dissect the issue from both the dad’s side and the boy’s side; and finally we can draw our conclusion without judging anyone.

I can still remember back then when I was about entering a senior class, I was supposed to choose a career path. I wanted to be a lawyer, argue in court and win cases. It looked so sweet being a public figure and all. Then we got a visit from one of my aunties; while we were discussing, she told my parents about ‘Nursing’ and how nurses made good cash outside the country.

The next week in school, I saw myself writing down science courses. I felt great because it made my parents happy, I was going to be a nurse. I quit arguing with people during conversations, it was of no use after all. Then I tried loving biology, but it was difficult; so many scientific names, so I failed and kept failing, dad was pissed!

Most times, children needs to be heard; to be understood and finally to be guided. But what most parents do is: choose, enforce, dictate and sponsor. Maybe, what that child actually needed was to be a musician, to go into music and do songs. But his dad wanted him to be a scholar, to study.

No! I’m not against education, neither am I against parental guidance. But I think we should listen to the kids, try to hear them out, rather than pushing them hard. The dad, on the other hand, wasn’t wrong in any way by scolding his son. He spent the money after all; and I believe, he wants the best for the child. But, what if the best he wants; isn’t the best the child needs? What if the child was only trying to let the dad see that this path I’m treading, isn’t what I need?

A little bit of understanding would have saved the wasted millions.

Don’t choose their career!

Observe them, listen to them and then guide them without creating pressure on them.

WHY WOULD A GIRL BE THE CLASS PREFECT?

Photo source: Pexels.com

“So you mean all of you were here and a girl took the first position in this class? Now, all the boys step out; after flogging you would each bring 500 Naira each on or before Monday”. That was the form teacher of my cousin’s class. My cousin came back from school that day, telling me he won’t pay for it.

Throwback to my second year in junior secondary school; what we do call J.S.S.2. We were about to round up this class and this class was taught by one of my favourite teachers. Either Physical and Health Education or Social Studies; I think it had to be social studies. She then gave us an assignment; “Write down the responsibilities of the father, mother and children in a family”. I remember how we all laughed at someone who wrote “My father also cleans and cook for the family”. I did laugh too, because I was stunned; how could your father actually be cooking and cleaning for the family.

Another deep throwback to primary five or was it four; I was about nine or ten years old. We were taught by a teacher named Maureen; who picked a girl as a class prefect. No assistant? No, no assistant. As far as Mrs. Maureen was concerned, Ann was enough. Ann, well turned out to be ruthless; our names were always in the list of noise makers. When I toppled her from her first position; I thought she’d like me and maybe I might just be the new prefect. Nah, It was not to be; I was then very much despised by Ann. The boys, even those who were even not in our class; hated Ann for being the class prefect.

Now, let’s take it forward; I happened to meet a friend while in the senior secondary school who said he wanted to be a nurse; the laughter that erupted from me and the guys there must have been what shoved him to medicine.

I don’t know if its just in my country; but many times, you find teachers, parents, older people making comments to girls like, “you are too rough, you don’t know you are a girl”. or you find them telling a boy who’s just been injured, “why are you crying too much? You don’t know you are a boy”. Even in families, a junior brother might even be seeing disrespecting the older sister and when she seeks to confront, you hear statements like, “leave him please, you know he is a boy”.

Over time, the society has honed males and females into recurring stereotypes; where the females are to be a beautiful ‘damsel in distress’ house wife, while the man becomes a violent all controlling figure. This has led to so many cases of gender abuse, physical abuse of women and the likes. Never was a man the assistant to a lady all through my life as a student. Teachers gradually stereotyping the careers of children. You’d hear things like, “you don’t know you are a girl; you are playing football. If gender equity is to be attained; then I think we have to go to as far as the basics and of course re-orient ourselves greatly.

Do have a pleasant afternoon!

MYTH OR FACT: SPARE THE ROD AND SAVE THE CHILD?

I had various pictures to use but I just couldn’t help but use this. Once upon a time, I wanted to make this MYTH OR FACT a weekly article on the blog. But then, sometimes these things leave my head and I can’t force it. So I guess we would have it in bits and trickles.

A popular saying whilst growing up was the “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. It was a mantra for so many teachers, ranging from my primary school to my secondary schools both junior and senior. it was a saying that was usually dished right before someone was punished.

In this ‘Internet age’, many parents are usually caught up between two difficult options. They don’t know when to mete out punishments to their kids for messing up; they equally don’t know if and when to apologize to a kid for punishing them. Not like I am down playing any writer; but the emergence of writers writing on parenting has actually been on a mad rise like wild fire. Some on the internet, others on the shelves. If you search in almost every region, you’d get to find out about two or more books on parenting and of course you would also find curious parents rushing to find out ‘the secrets of parenting’. (smiles) that sounded like a book title right? I don’t know about that (and I apologize to anyone whom that is the title of his or her book).

But do you really think there is a manual in parenting? Do you feel there’s a particular way to groom a child? Most ‘civilized’ African parents who feel they have to be western, actually do not employ the use of the rod and later regret their decision. Most parents too, who felt their own parents were too hard on them, also decide never to be so to their own children. Then there are parents who feel the rod should never be spared. But, in these too; most times the child’s feelings, emotions, or even esteem is hurt, other times the child grows to become too arrogant. Most people also feel that ‘sparing of the rod’ has increased the amount of social vices; but what would we know?

I have seen kids whose parents never spared the rod yet ended badly. I’ve seen kids whose parents also spared the rod and they equally ended badly. One cannot help but ask, what then is the solution. I have a nephew of about four years old; when he lied to me the very first time I was really hurt and shocked. I didn’t beat him, I actually called him and let him know I would never beat him if he told me the truth and then later he lied again, I was really bemused. Over the years, I’ve come to know that parenting is more than just giving birth to a child or more. It entails not just providing financial support; it also entails emotional support, understanding when to use the rod, when to appeal to the child’s conscience, when to also dish out other punishments aside flogging as it sometimes harden the child up like a criminal.

If the rod should be spared or saved remains a huge question to so many parents; well…… even me too. Any suggestions you drop could be valuable to a parent, you never can know; use the comment section.

MYTH OR FACT? AIR CAN INCREASE THE SIZE OF A HUMAN HEAD!

A nursing mother and her infant

The few weeks after childbirth are periods that are really golden to the growth and development of a child physically. It is also the most vulnerable period in a child’s life. As a matter of fact, I commend single fathers who lost their wives during childbirth and catered for their children by themselves. I don’t know how you guys did it but its adorable! Children in these stages can’t even complain when they are uncomfortable; they mostly cry and sleep. A baby may be crying due to pains from falling from the hands of an older sibling and a mom wouldn’t know and would think the baby is hungry. This is why parents (especially moms) are required to be highly observant during this stage of a child’s life.

Also, at this stage of a child’s life; a child is usually vulnerable to many things that one would easily shrug off. The tiny discomfort of a headache can kill a baby. Even starvation for few hours would kill a baby. A noise too loud, a mosquito bite can as well cause the death of a baby. This is because the resistance or immune systems are still being developed.

I don’t know if this is a universal belief; but its believed in most parts of the world that the head of humans can be shaped to any shape one desires, few days or weeks after childbirth. Occasionally, one hears jibes of head shapes being disproportionate due to the ‘moulder’ of the head. You may have your doubts, but I have seen grandmothers gently massaging the head of little babies while bathing them in a bid to give them a desired shape (oval, square, rectangular, etc).

Now, at this stage babies are covered even here, in the tropics. Gloves on hands, socks on feet, head warmers on head. Some moms discreetly wants to even cover their faces (aside eyes and nose) if possible. I wouldn’t know; but I’ve seen humans….Scratch that, I do have a friend whose head is way bigger than his body. It looks heavy on him and he acts like he’s partially insane. On my interaction with this African mother, she said its because air entered the skull of the child.

Could this be a medical condition, is it true that air can enter the head of a human?

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR ROLE MODEL LOSES THE ROLE?

What happens when you find out that your role model may not be so good for the role?

In my life, at various stages; I had different role models. Different persons I felt my life should be modeled against… Well, at some of the times; I didn’t know it was called role model. Right from primary 5,( if you schooled in Nigeria) up till now. There have been various persons I’ve admired, irrespective of gender, sex, age, tribe nor religion.

One even wrote a book about himself. A book I admired and went back to numerous times. He was my beacon of hope, my beacon of light. I admired his family, I admired his kids, his values, his likes; the way he set himself for his future. When I look at him, I never get jealous (well, I actually never get jealous, I admire cos I feel I’m on same path).

There are also some of role models who are quite far and I got to know them through their movies, books, whatever legacy they might have had.

Most of them, as I matured I dropped them off; perhaps the attachment was more of my childish thoughts. But some others, I weaned myself to the values I saw in them. It might have been their cockiness, their confidence, their gait (I could remember imitating gaits of various men at 17 till I found mine [laughs] at some point, my aunt said I’m now walking like someone who lost his way) their intonation, their patience, their outlook in life, their attitude towards money, women, men,and even towards God.

Now, what then happens when you discover this god of a human isn’t so much of a god?

What happens when you discover that the man you admire his wealth so much is also peddling drugs?

What happens when you discover that the man you admire his wealth, confidence, ego, and authority murdered his mom for money?

What happens when you discover that the lady you admire so much cos of the respect she has placed on herself is another lady by night?

Many times, we discover that people are not who they’ve made themselves appear. Often times too, the downfall of a role model affects the growth curve of his or her protégé; especially if the protégé is mentally frail or if the protégé is a young person or if the person has been overtly possessed.

Most times, we find people supporting their role model despite acknowledging that he or she is wrong. They choose to cast a blind eye, especially if they’ve spent better part of their life studying the life of their role model.

What if you discover your role model doesn’t suit the role any longer, what would you do? What would you advise others to do?