So as promised, I am here with the second version that contains the huge advice from the relationship expert. Now, before I continue; I do believe you must have borrowed a few pages from the book of others. I myself, I was hugely inspired by the thoughts I got from various persons, especially as it cut across genders. But now, I want you to hear (or read) from the expert.
Why do you not need a girlfriend?
“Well, cos no one is worth it and even when you think they are; deep down, they’re not. Basically, I’m not dating for the fun of having a girlfriend or whiling away time. There’s more to it than that.
I’m saying this from experience, though. We all want something more, when it comes to love. Everybody wants to be loved or given attention, everybody craves it. Either from family or friends.
Especially when they dish out so much and they get almost nothing or get hurt in return. Sad truth is, no matter how much you give; it will always be overlooked and taken for granted by many. Why? because, its a natural phenomenon with humans.
Now back to what I was saying; these days everyone wants to hangout or have a partner in their lives for one reason or the other; ranging from loneliness, to footing of bills, intimacy and all that. But then, there’s more to it than all these. There’s the important part of connection (not just sexual chemistry) that brings about the trust, patience and understanding that comes with it. That’s why even when your trust has been broken, you can still forgive over and over again and still keep praying for him or her to get better, not just for you but for themselves.
These days people date you because they’re attracted to you for one reason or the other. That’s what has driven many to doing anything for clout! Check Instagram, everybody there is rich and fine. How about real life?
That’s why you’d message a girl you don’t know, just cos she’s pretty. Though, attraction is the basis for everything; but then, there’s a connection that comes next.
Lemme share an experience. All my life, I’ve never walked up to a girl to ask her name or phone number; basically, cos I grew up to be very shy and I hate being turned down. Even when I grew past all that and became attractive, sexy and hot, I still did not do it. I grew up believing something must connect us and damn, its been working. Cos I feel its rude you approach a lady with no basis for conversation and start talking rubbish and demanding number.
That is why even in most Hollywood movies, its either the guy approaches her by cutting in while she’s thinking out loud and they share an intelligent conversation or he makes the environment subtle enough for her to open up to at least giving him, her contact. That is why he goes for paying for her drinks, buy her a drink or helping her get rid of a human pest, etc.
Never date someone you’re just attracted to; cos man,it fades. Once upon a time, I liked P-square (Nigerian musicians) cos they could dance; right now they can’t. I once liked Ronaldo cos he was a mind blowing dribbler; now he’s a goal machine. ‘Sensible people’ people evolve and changes happen over time; so definitely, attractions fade out.
These connections go way past the whole zodiac stuff, mental, emotional or physical similarities. Yes, these things are key as to dating someone cos you must date your kind. But then, its more spiritual than physical. I can’t be connected to you without fully knowing you and your flaws.
Also, note that you can’t say you love someone when you don’t have at least, 90% knowledge of their flaws and weaknesses (90%, cos humans are full of surprises). So I am connected to you if I know all I know about you and then I still wake up in the night to pray you get better for yourself. I still do all I do while considering your mental and physical well being.
I am connected to you when I love you you more than I love me. But then, a connection is a two way thing. So, its only a connection when you love me more than I love myself and I do the same; and this is only possible, when you are not too physical about things. Its more spiritual. Cos a connection comes with this mind thing that tells me you’re not fine and I call and yes, you’re not.
Lemme give you another experience…
I grew up having so many emotional issues in life and failed relationships; not because I was at fault, but because for some reason the people I love just find a way to leave and then come back begging for forgiveness. Before deciding to let it all go, I’ve dated 4 girls before; I’d only talk about the last two.
The Third: She was in final year and I was in year one. My second degree in a university though. So, I was more advanced than she was age and mentally too. She was damn pretty; an amazing soul. I gave her my time, attention, energy and cash. I did her projects and all. I’d do my assignments in the morning because I understand I had to finish up her assignments at night cos I knew she was lazy educationally and I didn’t want her to have an F. Though, most times I pushed her to read too. She finally left after some issues based on her receiving constant calls from her ex and ignoring me and all that. She called me some months later to tell me she had an A in her project work and no extra year. I felt good not cos of pride but cos I was able to impact someone’s life. That’s what you do when you love someone. You impact them in one life changing way or the other.
The fourth: She had issues with her love life and started sleeping around and all that before I came into her life. So she met me few months after she had stopped, so I’m guessing she was still rehabilitating (smiles). I’d cut the long story short. Everything was sweet and nice until she cheated the first time. I’m an over thinker and I can be very detailed; so, I found out. We had a long talk and then we settled that. Few months later it happened again! Damn, I felt so insulted and broken but then yet again we talked and we got past that. Then it happened that she uses GB WhatsApp and then I traveled and found out that it had some loose ends and while trying to figure it out, I gained access to her WhatsApp from where I was in Lagos. So, I found out she was cheating again; for the 3rd time. This time around, all forms of trust was broken and it became impossible to trust her. I kept calm and hoped she’d open up but anytime we wanted to talk about it, we’d end up arguing. But, I never told her outright what I knew about her or her phone.
So one day I did and taught her how to encrypt her messages and all that. Finally, we had to separate; cos she for some reasons couldn’t just help herself. Need I remind you that I gave up going abroad for this same girl. That was how amazing things were. But then, things like these happen.
You love someone but then never forget that you should never loose yourself while loving them. Its better you love them from afar while praying for them and hoping they get better than letting them make you loose you. That’s not selfishness I call that love conservation
So that’s why!
Wow! Just Wow! Any advice you have for the single or even those in a relationship?
Single ones; when going into a relationship, get your priorities straight first. Know what you want and how you want it and don’t give in cos you’re lonely or pressured. Your life is not an audition ground. Go for someone who has the same core values as you. A pastor can’t go date a party freak cos if they ain’t like you they are not going to respect what you know and respect.
Those in a relationship; don’t settle for less in your relationship. Growing with someone is only possible in a relationship where there is value, trust and connection. You’d never be able to build with someone you can’t grow with. I’d also add, patience and trust is key in making a relationship work. It takes patience to build and grow in love and harmony; correcting each in love and sincerity. A whole lot of transparency is needed too.
Wow! Thank you much. I must say I have been hugely educated today.
EMMANUEL DURU is our relationship expert. He’s a gymnast, a musician, he’s a model too; he’s one the females would say he’s quite hot. A Nigerian, a foodie, he’s also a chef, CEO of a DURUSCAKES. If you wish to reach out to him for further enquiries; you can do that via
08174955230 on Calls, Text or WhatsApp @Official_duru_emmanuel on Instagram
Also, in the spirit of love and Valentine; DURUSCAKES do have a special offer and you can also benefit from it; peep this image below.
So, last week; I left my house for a vacation. (Smiles) Yes, not at the Bahamas, but at a friends place to take in new air. Well, one of those days; I woke up and was chatting with this lady, I had not even said my prayers. She asked me how my night was; I told her, “lonely and sad”. Next thing she said is, ” you should have called your girlfriend. When, I told her we had called it quits since last year; she laughed and asked me why do I even need a girlfriend. My reply to her? She damned it as nonsense. She then said,
“Are you ready for the responsibilities that comes with a girlfriend? The lovely times and bad times. People normally get into relationship without considering that and when they finally encounter one issue, they run for the skies; you have to be really ready mentally. When you have duly considered, you can start your search and you have to find her yourself”.
That was her advice to me, and then I decided to hear from both sex of young adults between late teenage, early twenties and mid twenties. It was really a random survey and some of the response were hilarious, others emotional, some sweet. But at the end; a ‘relationship expert’ also quips in a huge well of advice on partners or relationship.
Why do you need a boyfriend? “So we can fuck together”. Does this mean without a boyfriend, no fucks? “Yeah… unless I get a dildo for myself”.
~ Stella Ezeh (female) A model in her early twenties.
Why do you not need a girlfriend? “I need one, I’m not willing to have one. I need a wife but I am not willing to have one”.
~ Richardson Ohaka (male) An engineer in his early twenties
Why do you not need a boyfriend? “I am good and enjoying being single”. Would the enjoyment stop or faze with being in a relationship? “It’s a whole different scenario then. I am enjoying my own company”.
~ Kelira (female) A 22 year old lawyer
Why do you think you need a girlfriend? “Well for me, I want to have someone I can talk to, have a nice time with, go on vacation with. I need someone that can understand what I am going through without me saying much about it”. “Sometimes, everyone needs an extra backbone; a shoulder to cry on or lean on, someone that can laugh at your dry jokes; come through for you whenever you need her. Sometimes, a guy just need a girl that can care for him without having something else in mind, someone that can motivate him”.
~ ALLEN RALPH (male) A young Hydrobiologist. Contact on IG: rharfel
Why do you not need a boyfriend? Seriously, did you say boyfriend? What would I use a boyfriend for? My dear, I’m fucking tired. I don’t think I need a boyfriend; I’m cool like this. Its not like I’ve deleted the space for love in my heart. But then, I honestly don’t see the reason why I should love someone. Charle, there is fake love everywhere! Everybody is just after sex and stuff. In this generation, everyone is just after sex and stuff. Would I say I’m not really that type; I don’t really feel for sex, you get? I don’t feel for that shit, I don’t know. Most times, I wonder if I’m human. I just don’t feel for that shit and then, would I say its guys who talk more about sex and it irritates me; cos I feel you’re just there for what you want, like the sex part of it. You just want to get into my panties and that’s it; yeah, that’s why relationship should hold on right now. Probably, when I’m done with school. Believe me, there are lots of guys; hey Paul, there are lots of them. Charle, I’m tired of even hearing ‘I’m beautiful’ honestly. Cos, I don hear am tire. Like, I don’t even know what to say again; there are lots of them. But then, what would I do as its a normal thing right? Just keep saying ‘thank you, awwwn; thank you, awwwn; thank you’ that’s the only thing they get o (laughs)”.
~ Christiana Abena Opoku (female) Accra technical University, Accra, Ghana.
Why do you think you don’t need a girlfriend? “Relationship just tires me. The pre-relationship drama gets me tired and unenthusiastic. I need to be ready financially; my guy, I ought to be. I already have the mental and emotional preparedness. If I love a girl, I wouldn’t want to see her suffer at all. My love is wild, and I don’t wanna have too many exes; it causes problems in life. I just need to be certain that any other person I wanna date should be of substance, just in case”. Wow! Just in case it leads to marriage yeah? “Very good, yeah”.
“I’ve intentionally been keeping sound and intelligent girls as friends and not these slay mamas of a bimbo. Most of my close friends now are studying professional courses; the nurses, law students, medical students, anatomy and so on like that; and they look good too, and are intelligent. My children should be smart now; and my wife should be able to go for their PTA meeting and speak smartly (laughs). So, I’d get the urge to get up and shout, ‘na me get am’ (meaning She’s mine). I also believe that ‘the better one becomes, the better one attracts’ so we should be better”.
Wow! Awesome! “Yeah, my philosophy”.
~ MEKA WRIGHTS (male) is a bachelor’s degree holder from the prestigious University of Port Harcourt, Nigeria. A writer, editor, poet and model. He is a social butterfly and an avid reader. reporting from ABUJA, NIGERIA.
Why do you need a boyfriend? “At some point in our lives, we all need a boyfriend. That’s a fact we can’t dispute. But it isn’t all about having “the boyfriend”. It’s about knowing if you’re ready for all possible outcomes of having a boyfriend; like heartbreak, sharing your space, your time, doing things you don’t do normally, going the extra mile. So, we need a boyfriend when we truly need a boyfriend. Or better still, take the “having a boyfriend” out of the equation and discover yourself”.
~ EKOM DONATUS (female) A young innovative female who literally talks for a living. Your “go to” consultant if you need help getting your events be how you envision it (Event planner).
Why do you need a girlfriend? “Okay, first of all; girlfriend is not really about the sex and everything. Apart from your parents care and everything. For the fact that you have someone that genuinely cares about you and genuinely wants to see you succeed, genuinely wants to know how you’re doing ands everything. Pull late night calls and everything, that’s…. that’s… that feeling alone is everything. Most times, like me; when I say I’m looking for a girlfriend, its not because of sex, cos I’m fucking lonely. I just need that, ‘baby, have you eaten? baby, have you done this?’, that care; its just what I just watch out for. I know my mom is there; but my mom has her husband and everything to take care of and children. Getting that feeling from a stranger and becoming close and everything, is actually nice”.
~ GODFREY FORTUNE, alias Chief Daddy of Port Harcourt. (Male) geologist, co-organizer @social media hangout, social media marketer, content creator @portharcourtspecials
Why do you need a boyfriend? “I don’t think everybody needs one though, I personally do not think I need one. I think we just want one. For me, I’m a really private person and I don’t tell my close friends personal things about me, so a boyfriend for me is one I can tell anything and everything as I completely trust them. One to keep me company too. Share and create memories, etc.
~ PATRICIA EZE, (female) A young lawyer. Love enthusiast; Yup, I love ‘Love’! I love the idea and concept of ‘love’, as well as the beauty of how a person can simply lose themselves in another and be moved to do things they would not normally do.
Why do you need a boyfriend? I don’t need again. I’m overqualified. For company and trust; I can’t be explaining myself to other people or persons.
~ PRAISEGOD UZOUKWU (female) Longrich marketer, 18 years old undergraduate of University of Port Harcourt, Nigeria.
Why don’t you need a girlfriend? “I don’t like sharing my space, yeah. Most times I think of it and I’m like “so, at a point in my life, I’m going to have to share space”, I don’t really like sharing my space; I like to keep to myself, you understand? Not like, lonely kinda keep to myself; I just like my space. Apart from that, the idea of just spreading around with one person; its scary. Especially these days, that my mind has been opened to too many things, like too many ways of life, too many possibilities to life, you understand? Like my mind has gone broader, I don’t just fancy marriage; not like everything must end in marriage. I told my mom that she shouldn’t even think of coming to my wedding; and she was like, “what kinda talk is that? that I must be mad”. I’m like, ” No, I just don’t like the idea”. She can expect plenty grandchildren but that’s why she has three other children. I just pray the idea goes off with time.
~ ORINAEMI FIRST alias Ori (male) a student.
I believe it was quite a read; I wanted to drop the huge word from the relationship expert. But I’ll save it for WHY DO I NEED A PARTNER 2.0
Just wait for the next blog post, so the next time you decide to go into a relationship. Or before wanting one, you’d actually know what to want.
So like I promised an anticipation in LOVE IN A KALEIDOSCOPE 1.0. I am here with it. This is the completed version of LOVE IN A KALEIDOSCOPE. The part where we get to hear the voice of males of the three set of persons—-THE SINGLE GUY, THE GUY IN LOVE & THE HEARTBROKEN GUY.
The bios of these guys were dropped in LOVE IN A KALEIDOSCOPE 1.0. So, you can go back to check out their awesome bios.
THE MUSINGS OF THE SINGLE GUY
So for our first guy, which is the single guy; we do have Preacher Khayleb; who I would call Khayleb for the duration of this interview.
I: Good evening, Mr. Khayleb; you are the male who’s currently in love. What’s your take on love?
KHAYLEB: Well love goes beyond fiddling with nipple, giving blowjobs, living on Kamasutra styles…. I think it is emphatic, it’s what you choose to honour, cherish and value
I: Wow! for a man who is single, you seem to know your onions about love. You are currently single; any reason for that?
KHAYLEB: (chuckles) I’m still waiting for her to shoot her shots (more chuckles). The reason is because finding love right now will be a distraction to me… kind of….
I: As lovely as it is, most ladies do find it cowardly for a man to wait for a lady to approach him. Or, are you saying you want to ensure that the lights are quite green before shooting your shots?
KHAYLEB: Yes ooo…. though, sometimes I tend to be colour blind. I just don’t want my shot to pierce a skin fair skin. Cos I’m so gentle
I: (laughing really haaaardd!) Guy, you just burst my bubbles. I wouldn’t really know what you mean by ‘skin fair skin’. Are you saying she gives off mixed signals? and you want to be really sure of the coast before shooting?
KHAYLEB: Exactly! you know girls and emotions
I: So Mr. Khayleb, as Phaneeyah, a lady obviously love struck; said her lover was the only one coming at the time she accepted; have you ever thought maybe she’s waiting earnestly for your shot?
KHAYLEB: Yes, she is. cos now the green light is like a spotlight hovering over my head, but I just want to take my time. Slow and steady still wins the race.
I: Well, most times ladies misinterpret signals…. your delay might be misconstrued as a loss of interest. From your definition; you said love is emphatic, something to hold and to cherish. Do you see yourself having grandchildren with your crush?
KHAYLEB: Most definitely, If she doesn’t fuck up. But, we go on burger and coke dates (chuckles). But she understand I’m so busy for us(our life together)
I: Wow! if you are this busy for love, how about when you get married (thinking seriously). Do you think love conquers all? should love be prioritized over every other thing?
KHAYLEB: Yes it does, at least the love of God (chuckles). I’m not only busy for love oooo. Life after University graduation, Career and many more.
I: Mr. Khayleb; you’re still avoiding the question. (chuckles) Do you think love conquers every other thing?I:
KHAYLEB: Yes it does. Love conquers!
I: Would you prioritize love over work?
KHAYLEB: If you have love, you’ll work most definitely…… then you have love for the work you do, so you’ll deliver
I: (laughs) I see….. So Khayleb, Do you think love is for everyone?
KHAYLEB: Everyone loving is not crime. But, it’s now crime if people claim they love; when they don’t know how to love.
I: But do you think everyone would eventually find love?I:
KHAYLEB: Everyone will, even if it is for God or something inanimate.
I: Wow…..I’m awed at this new knowledge. I’m sure our audience are equally wowed. Do you think money has an influence on love, Preacher Khayleb?
KHAYLEB: People should stop loving for money. That’s not the real essence. It has to do with emotions and you know we can’t buy emotions and feelings.
I: This is lovely. It was really lovely having you over; Preacher Khayleb. Thank you so much for stopping by; hope to have you some other time.
KHAYLEB: Thanks bro; It’s a privilege.
I: Guys you can hit him up on Facebook: Preacherman Khayleb; and on Instagram on @pee_khayleb. Have an anticipated love life, Preacher Khayleb; nice to have you over!
THE MUSINGS OF THE SINGLE GUY
So, you can equally look up the bio of our single guy on LOVE IN A KALEIDOSCOPE 1.0.
I: So Mr. Isaac; You are the male currently in love? What’s your take on love?
ISAAC: Well, I think love is when you can comfortably be with a girl even during her menstrual cycle without hoping for her to go home quick😏. It’s when you picture a girl as part of your future plans. When you feel so relaxed and peaceful around her.
I: Wow! I believe so many ladies would be touched by your definition. Are you currently in love? and what won you over to love her?
ISAAC: (Chuckles) Yes, I am currently in love. I don’t know what attracted me to her. It just came!
I: Wow! Do you think your love story would come to an end? Or it would migrate to something bigger?
ISAAC: I don’t know bro, I hope so. But, I can’t decide for both of us.
I: Oh! I understand; the uncertainty that comes with love. Do you think love is for everyone?
ISAAC: Yeah, Sure! Only those who believe.
I: Wow! Mr. Isaac; you’re definitely saying Love isn’t for everyone, what makes you say so?
ISAAC: Cos most people have locked up their minds concerning love
I: Do you think money has an influence on love?
ISAAC: I think it doesn’t
I: Wow! This is quite contrary to what most believe. I think you are saying money didn’t influence the decision of your lover.
ISAAC: (laughs) I’m broke, bro. So, definitely it didn’t.
I: Mr. Isaac; I must admit that its been amazing having you here with your candid opinions. I do hope you stop by sooner than later; but before you go, what’s your advice for the singles and the heartbroken?
ISAAC: Singles, please do not rush to look for love. It comes naturally. As for the heartbroken, don’t give up!
I: “Don’t give up”. I am sure the heartbroken won’t after your opinions. It was really awesome having you here.
I: Guys, you can look him up on social media. Facebook: Isaac B. Igbanibo jnr and on Twitter: @Ur_Fadar
THE MUSINGS OF THE HEARTBROKEN GUY
Our heartbroken guy who pleaded anonymity would be referred to as Mr. X; so no bio from him.
I: What’s your take on love, Mr X?I:
MR X: God is Love
I: (laughs) this reply cracked me up. Okay, Mr X…. I never meant Agape Love, I meant the romantic one or what you might call ‘eros love’ I think. What’s your take on love?
MR X: Okay, Love in this sense gotta be giving your best to bring out the best in the other person
I: Wow! I must admit, I am awed. You must have been in love to be heartbroken. With all honesty, Mr X; what made her win you over?I:
MR X: It was a conscious effort to give the relationship a try; nothing actually won me over
I: Wow wow wow! Mr X, are you saying you were not in love when you went in for the relationship?
MR X: Naaaaah. That kinda love can be learnt and that was what happened exactly.
I: This is awesomely nouvelle. I’ve learnt that love can be learned but I doubted it. Could you give a small hint about it? Teach one or a few persons how you learnt to love someone.
MR X: I can’t right now. But same way you can learn to master solving a mathematical problem, that’s how you can learn to love somebody over time. You just have to make conscious efforts if you truly want that person to be a part of your life.
I: Wow! Mr. X you really sound like a connoisseur in the love jungle. So, does heartbroken mean it was not you that instigated the break up?
MR X: I did actually. Cos I felt stressed not because the love died
I: Wow! was your heart broken? Did you ever see your love story with her as one you’d have grandkids with as Phaneeyah had opined?
MR X: At some point, I was heartbroken. We reconciled though. Honestly, there wasn’t a ‘plan’ for the ‘future’. We was suppose to go with flow but I guess she had another route figured out already.
I: Aaaaaaaahhhhh! Mr X. I think you might have pulled a switch; but then….I won’t indulge. Do you really think that everyone would eventually find love?
MR X: I can’t tell. I’m not “everyone” 😀
I: (laughs so hard) Mr X… you’re really an anonymous one. What about you? Would you find love?
MR X: I’m in the race already
I: Aaaaahhhhh! (laughs) I am really cracked up, Mr X. Do you think money has an influence on love?
MR X: In today’s world, yes. When you find the right one, it doesn’t really. But you gotta ‘have it’ to ‘keep her’ in shape. So we have to hustle for the paper
I: I am really cracked, I really am. So, you think money would influence your next relationship; especially seeing as you might not be Bill Gates.
MR X: See, the plan is not to be broke. So I’mma get the paper. I’ve had girls around on my broke days so I’m definite there are girls that are not about the money and fine things. For my next, I’d wanna spoil her and that requires money.
I: This is awesome, Mr X. I understand as a guy; its really not easy opening up…..So, it was nice of you! But for my curiosity, are you still heartbroken?
MR X: How can I be? 😂🤣😂
I: (laughs) Any piece of advice for the heartbroken, Mr X?
MR X: They should mend their broken heart and find money.
I: This was awesomely awesome. Thanks for stopping by, Mr X.
Sadly, his contact can’t be shared; since he’s Mr. X! But then, I am glad we finally came to the end of this one. You could share your views to support or contrast what they could have said in the comment box!