This is the one that pains me much personally. Because, there is nothing that you give attention to, that will not grow.
One of my student, Timi, started Affiliate marketing with Expertnaire at N40,000 and once he made N40,000 in a week, he relaxed. It took him about 4 weeks before he made another sale. Probably when he has finished the other money.
Why will you sit on a gold mine and refuse to use it?
Whenever, side hustle is mentioned, you may want to complain that you have no time. But in 20 years from now you will still have no time.
The danger in this is that, as you grow your expenses scale up (grow). If you are on a job where your income is fixed, you might be doing okay today, but what happens when your expenses have now scaled hugely over that your fixed income.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be a business. Start with a digital skill. Your earnings might not be enough at the beginning. That is why you should stay at your 9-5, to get money to pay bills
When people see me, they see a confident person. But I wasn’t always this way. There was a time when I didn’t revel walking in front of a crowd. There was a time when a super pretty girl would make me jittery.
Now, I am confident and I don’t know how. I can’t start telling a teenage girl that I look my fears in the eyes. It sounds like I don’t understand her.
She is super confident in her house, her compound, even in her school. But outside these zones, when she walks, she wishes the ground could open up and swallow her. She wishes people would reduce the way they look at her. 😖😖
Now, I’d have told her she’s eating up my time. But I just couldn’t. I let her go on. I had to hear her out.
Cos I know most adults who didn’t deal with this issue in their teenage carried it into adult hood, and she’s 16. What do I tell her to boost her belief in her self.
What ever I tell her, she might find it too big. I actually recommended 2 books, I had the soft copies and promised her a hard copy.
The books — THE CONFIDENT WOMAN by JOYCE MEYER & 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL TEENS by Sean Covey.
But she wanted an advice, a direct advice to a 16 year old teenage girl, and I so badly wanted her to think highly of herself. I mean she is beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, but how do I boost this esteem? 🤔🤔🤔
The reason most people are influenced by wrong association is because of this mindset: “Nobody can make me do what I don’t want to do” or “I can have any kind of friend but I must not have their lifestyle”.
Look, that is self deceit of the highest order. You can’t be in a particular environment, absorb a particular information over and over, and not be influenced by it.
Whether you like it or not, every word you open your heart to is a seed sown and it must germinate.
Review your plans for 2021 and cautiously hand pick your association if you know you want to actualize those plans.
“If the people around you don’t sow positive seeds into your life from time to time, then it’s time to shed your feathers” – Esther Onuoha.
Have a wonderful night. ❤️🤝✍️
Esther Onuoha, a guest writer on the blog, is a copywriter and creative content writer whose content is geared towards personal development for impact. Esther holds a B.A. in Linguistics and Communication Studies from the University of Port Harcourt, Nigeria.
You can reach her onEmail: firstname.lastname@example.org Facebook, and Twitter & IG: esther_icreate
Almost every child that becomes a teenager knows that he or she would leave the parents’ house someday. Only that while some shy away from the thought, some others just can’t wait to leave their parents’ house.
The reasons why ‘adults’ choose to leave their parents’ house are usually various. Stemming from abuse and scornful remarks about anything, to no privacy, to loss of respect on the part of their younger ones.
There are those who actually want to leave because they feel the utmost desire to be independent and feel they will never achieve such independence staying in their parent’s house.
Moving out of parent’s house is not a bad idea, although I won’t lie that I admire the unity expressed in Asian families living together in one house.
It is a bold move, and I would not like to say that there is an age for leaving the house of one’s parents. My dad told me he left his parent’s house at the age of 17. But that’s him and that was in the 60s or 70s.
In this 21st century, there are a lot of factors to consider before one can think of moving out of one’s parent’s house, but I will be listing just three:
Many times, people overlook this factor. But what any one should ask him or herself before leaving is this sincere question, “Why am I leaving?”.
People leave for a range of reasons, from independence, to moving in with a partner, to searching for greener pastures. Some just leave because its time to ‘leave the nest’.
So as a matter of utmost importance, one must ensure that you do have a good amount of money before deciding to move out. If not so, I will advise you rather tuck yourself in there, endure and save for a while.
3. EMOTIONAL STRENGTH
When a child decides to leave the parent’s house, it is not only the child(or adult) that is bothered, the parents too get bothered too.
The family which has always served as an emotional pillar and succor would no more be there. Especially if one is moving to a new city with less friends.
The moments that one does share with family, the good and bad days that you converse with your parents about and the moral support is cut off, once you move out of their place.
Because they cannot readily give you the succor they did give you. Also, in times of ill health, you might not get any special care as you used to get before.
Many times, the females especially, get into wrong relationships because this period they do have this space in their lives, that gets obvious even to the male folks, leading to bad relationships and bad break ups.
I saw this on Graciano’s page and decided to share it here. It really is a true story from Graciano Enwerem.
Yesterday, after the radio session with members of GAFOSTO (Graciano And Friends’ Operation Salvage The Orphanages) Team, I had a visitor who came to see me from Delta, his friend joined us and we had a great time. We finished very late and I rushed to Waterlines Bus Stop to pick a cab to evade being drenched by the rain that was speedily gathering momentum.
Story short, I got to the bus stop and there were hundreds of people waiting for vehicles going my route. My first instinct was to walk into KDC, where my church is and order for a cab straight to my house. I thought of what 1,500 to 2,000 Naira would do for me in these times that I have lots of projects on my neck with very little funding. I decided to brave it.
The first vehicle came and people rushed in. It was a matter of who is faster, braver and stronger to stand his/her ground. I don’t have those qualities, I am the qualities and more. So I decided to get into the next one no matter what happens. My eyes quickly caught a cab turning to where I was. Just one chance in front was left, so I was the first to wave it and the driver beckoned on me to come to the front while he parks well.
With the speed of light I got to the vehicle first but some other guy stood in the way, stopping me from opening the door. I politely told him that I waved the car and the driver asked me to get in. I looked into the vehicle towards the driver and he confirmed with a nod but the dude refused to bulge. I just had to open the door anyway.
As soon as the door touched him, he let a tiny t-shirt he was holding go flying onto the wet floor and screamed stuff that I can’t recollect, saying that I pushed him and stained his new shirt. The touts on the streets, 8 of them pulled me out of the car, rounded me up and were turning round me, screaming obscenities. I was waiting for the worst but nothing happened at first.
Then the young man who had acted this Nollywood movie asked me to take off my eyeglasses, “So dat you go see am well.”
As soon as I took it off, he screamed, ‘oya give am!’
A resounding slap hit my right ear from behind. And then he said, ”Mark my face, na me do you. Do ya worse” He flagged down another vehicle and vamoused!
I stood there in disbelief about what had just happened. I tried to get angry but I was shocked at how calm I was until some other people waiting for vehicles as I was, came to me to say that I made the right decision not to fight back. How these guys are always eager to lynch anyone for no reason. While I was still standing there trying to process everything that had just transpired, the youngest of the 8 came back and said with a husky voice that seemed borrowed from an 85 years old grandpa,
”Seniorboy, some kind man dem just tell us say we don f#₦k up. Dem say you no be winchiman. No wam! I go fine motor for you make you tuama here before you go reason us.”
Turns out that one of them told them how I’d come there once to give some homeless kids who live with them at one big incomplete building there at Waterlines Bus Stop, some handouts and cash. I remember even requesting that my church welfare sends help their way and Pastor Victor (the pastor in charge of outreaches) said, we’ve been on it and would do something about it.
Few seconds later, 4 of them joined us and said so many things in the lines of, ”we didn’t know it was you”.
Well, you know me. I’ve said it countless times, I am more a teacher than an artiste. I teach, praise and punish. They’re in the police net probably receiving slap now. I’m not that gentle I guess. However, I learnt something yesterday. Did you learn anything from my long story? Let me know if you did.
Meanwhile, there are so many projects I run alone quietly for years. Going to the orphanages twice a year is one of them. However all these years, I knew there was something we were not doing right. This year I want to correct it. I want to take a dive again as I always do and this time I hope you help catch me. The dream is bigger than my pockets but I believe that since it’s a great idea, it’s going to be a success. We shall be visiting 4 Orphanages, giving them handouts as usual but that would not be all. We shall pick 20-50 teenagers among them and:
Give them a skill set
Teach them the business of the skill
Set up businesses for them
Set up a ‘finance team’ that shall monitor the growth of the businesses for 12 Months.
Connect them to potential clients/customers
These 12 Months, a percentage of their earnings shall be ploughed back into the business, another shall be sent to the orphanages, the rest shall be theirs. We believe that by this time next year, they shall be the ones training other members of the orphanages.
We shall be paying a discounted fee to the partners who shall be training them between 1-3 months, depending on the skill.
Every child understands that living in a typical African home isn’t easy, its featured by being constantly beaten for every single mistake. You will live a life of scoldings every single day. There is always a constant battle within yourself, battle of doubts wondering if you are really loved by your parents or if you are even their child. Having a constant feeling of running away from home because you feel more like an outsider than a member of a family.
Why aren’t you as beautiful as your sister? Why are you ugly? Why are you not smart? Why are you short? So many questions and comments that reduces your self esteem.
“You came back again with a 7th position” said Bella’s mum.
Bella was the first child of a family of four. She was just nine years with a little brother who was about two years. She came from a family where it was believed you can only be the best and nothing else, no substitute at all. She went to a very competitive school, one of the best in the city of Owerri, Nigeria. She had tried her best to get better grades to no avail. Her mum brought a private tutor but it didn’t work as well, she doesn’t get the first position they wanted. She felt so bad about herself. Her mum constantly compared her to the neighbours that performed better in school. Bella lived her life daily feeling like the worst of herself. She even stopped inviting her friends over so her mum wouldn’t ask questions that will eventually make her feel worse than she felt.
Bella’s life tells a story of most of us while growing up. It’s not so easy to convince a little child that she can get better with time, when her own family makes her feel worse. She was just at a stage where she was learning. She spent 80% of her time at home where she was constantly scolded. How can we help Bella when we didn’t even know how to overcome such challenge during our time?
As a parent especially a mum, you weren’t given that child to abuse or maltreat.That child was meant to be cherished, properly cared for and most especially loved. We were asked to train up a child in such a way that when he or she grows, he or she will never depart from it. That means we are permitted to train a child and not ridicule a child and make the child lose his or her self esteem.
Training a child includes making sure he or she grows into a confident child with a high level of self esteem. Any child that grows with a high self esteem have a high level of self love. I know some of us are not parents, that’s why you need to know this before you enter your parenthood stage, so we can start having a better population of confident children growing with high self esteem.
Comfort Eke is a native of Abia state, Nigeria; from a family of three. She is based in Port Harcourt, Rivers state and a student at the Department of Anatomy in the University of Port Harcourt. She is a writer, an entrepreneur and volunteer.
In the world we live in, everyone seems so occupied with their means of livelihood. Adulthood comes with its ample of business, career advancement and academic attainments. When one has hustled and bustled, there would be a time one becomes too feeble. Hence, the need for retirement sets in.
The feebleness of the matriach or patriarch of the family is usually a burden. Especially where everyone is busy with their means of livelihood. It would be like throwing away a treasure; for any member of the family to forgo his/her dream to care for the feeble one in the family. The idea of hiring a nanny or caregiver; trusting a complete stranger is not always welcomed. Thus, home of the elderly is recommended to tackle this issue.
There are few cases where some adults do not have immediate family members. In this situation, such an old person would prefer being at the home of the elderly. This is one of the reasons the home of the elderly was established. It is very fair to say that the government of a country should equip the home of the elderly adequately.
The home of the elderly gives old people a sense of companionship and belonging. No doubt, every young or old person is always happy in the midst of their age groups. The old adult would always want choose to be in a community filled with their mates, away from the worries of family matters. There would be no room for loneliness and depression when they are always happy.
At the home of the elderly, they’re usually in positive and educative activities. These includes; chess and poker, scrabbles and reading groups.
In their feebleness, they need help to accomplish simple tasks. At the home of the elderly, these tasks are done by well experienced and reliable caregivers. In their families, where everyone seems too busy and career oriented, proper care and simple tasks would be deficient.
Proper medical treatments, personal assistance and proper diet are one of the many others their family may not be able to afford. To avoid this financial burden, they prefer being at a place most of their needs as old adults would be met. Also, it is unhealthy for old people to always stay alone. Their family might be deficient in giving them enough time, attention and care that they need.
Therefore, most old people prefer the home of the elderly because they do not want to be a burden to their families. Whereas, there’s a place they would be more comfortable, receive the appropriate treatments and live happily everyday. Thus, the home of the elderly should be a ply the government should be made free and well-equiped.
Matilda Dikibo is a contributor to the blog. A poet and writer who hails from Rivers State, Nigeria. She has lots of poems, short stories to her credit and articles yet to be publised. Her stage name is Matiwrites.
He had created this perfect brand, everyone showered praises. Life was good. He had raised his child, the first fruit of his manhood and his pride. But looking at Dafe now, his son; he could hardly believe it was his son. This was the story of Omotayo – a business tycoon and billionaire. Though he flourished and excelled at business, for fortune had smiled on him, he never had peace. An heir to his enormous wealth, what was going to happen?
This is how it all begins..
“No one can have it all” they say; but Omotayo Akinola was going to be just an exception to that. Mr Tayo as he’s fondly called is a thriving businessman, had his second PhD at age 28, got married to his beautiful bride Lola at age 30. Life has been good to him and everything seemed like a roller-coaster ride because the rate at which he bagged achievements in business, recognition both nationally and internationally was enviable. After ten years of childlessness, Tayo finally had a child, a male child – an heir to his business empire! Satisfied and fulfilled, you could say Tayo was; in fact, I don’t think those words perfectly describes Tayo’s state of mind at the time. He radiated with joy. Happiness filled his home. He was finally a man in the African context, particularly in the Nigerian context; for in the Yoruba tribe where he comes from, a mature male, though having the genital, even successful is not considered a full man until he has a child – a male child. But even as the day bloomed, the night gloom at the corner even darker!
Dafe being the only child of his parents at the moment was wrapped up in cotton wool. Given the best of everything; whatever he wanted, he got at the asking. All this his father did with the best of intentions but little did he know he had only just been bringing owls to Athens. Hard to swallow was the fact that at age 25, Dafe still couldn’t pass pre-med to get into medical school. His mates had finished their house-manship and were certified practitioners already; but here was Dafe – a big baby, terribly spoilt by his parents, given all the luxuries and comfort money could buy, trying to switch courses because he couldn’t cope with medicine. Well, it turned out money couldn’t buy focus.
Dafe got into the University at 17 – this marked the beginning of the troubles of Omotayo Akinola, his father. He lived a lavish life on campus. If he attend classes just half of the number of times he attended parties, at least he would have had a little thing in his head to pass his semester exams.
“How could such a dumb child come from such a smart man!” his course adviser lamented when he invited Dafe to his office due to the his poor results. All these had little or no effect on Dafe. For though the son of a billionaire, only son I mean; a young man of prospects and promise, he brought nothing but shame to his father’s name.
His mother, Lola cried inconsolably each day and his father, deeply bittered – it was better they didn’t have a child, for their live was better off earlier without a child. To crown it all, by the end of his sophomore year in the University, he had gotten five girls pregnant, had been arrested by the police severally for the use of substance; and of course, he had six outstanding courses to his name!
Recently, he came home for the holidays (this he rarely does) due to the persistent calls from his mother. Going to the airport to welcome their son after two years of separation, his mom wept uncontrollably for she could not recognise her son anymore, his father tightened his jaw and his heart was heavy. Dafe looked like a drug kingpin! His mother wailed, safe for her husband, she would have rolled on the floor in public, at the airport – a typical frustrated Nigerian mother.
Dafe had tattoos all over his body, with piercing of rings almost everywhere too – he was dressed like a thug. A young man who should be studying medicine in a private college. What a shame! Dafe brought so much shame and disgrace to his family so much so that his parents for once thought they would be better of without him. Tayo had spent so much money the last three years in hiring lawyers to defend his son in court just to avoid him being convicted. How about the millions of dollars on counsellors? It was all a fools errand,as Dafe learnt nothing from anything!
But throwing away the baby and the bath water was something Tayo swore he would never do. Regardless of all the shame and pain his child has caused him and his family, Omotayo Akinola had long resolved never to leave his son to fate as many thought he had. Love they say could be painful and could come in different shades. Omotayo had to do something about his son, this he did quickly; western union became just another bank terminology to him as he never sent Dafe money anymore, he also never listened to him on cases where he got into trouble with the police. Dafe now spent weeks and sometimes, months behind bars at local police stations. “The-billionaire-son lifestyle” seemed over for him. As his father no longer paid attention to him. And he was now in his final year.
Love, as they say could be painful; this his father felt deeply. Things really went south for Dafe from then on, as he got into trouble again with the cops. This was his road to Damascus, as his life never remained the same. In a bid to survive the harsh financial crisis he was in, he got busted for theft in a grocery shop – that was the final straw that broke the camels back. Going behind bars for the umpteenth time, he stayed there for three months; missing his final exams and project work, as the police will have nothing of his pleas; he had been caught severally. Dafe never graduated. What a shame! What will people say? The son of a billionaire. What a shame!
Dafe came home for the second time in four years looking like he escaped world war II. He looked tattered and unkempt. With tears in eyes of both father and son, they embraced each other for the longest of times! A major rehabilitation had taken off in his life at that moment. Realising all he has been through and all he had done – the reproach he had brought his father, he busted out in loud cries. It was a solemn moment for Omotayo and his family; their child and baby boy Dafe, has come back to his senses.
Times past and years went by; the provost of college called the next name on the inducting list, “Akinlola Omotayo, MBBS” and the hall was filled with applause especially that of his parents, as they clapped on even after everyone had stopped. With tears rolling down their eyes, they clapped – no one would understand why.
At his speech as the over-all best graduating student. Akinlola Dafe wept too, as he dedicated his degree to the unfailing love and resilience of his parents who stood by him and still believed in him even when he didn’t believe in himself. Never mind, no one in that hall will understand the story behind that statement, except his parents.
Yubedee Pyamene Anokari: is a contributor on PAUL KAY’S BLOG. A content writer and entrepreneur. Currently a student of environmental studies at the University of Port Harcourt, an SDG advocate, passionate about personal growth and development.
Lest you forget; this is April and its is the SEXUAL ASSAULT AWARENESS MONTH. On this, one of our contributors: Christiana Kunkala massages us with this. We should always be careful with our girl child.
The year was 2007, I was eight years old, running and playing through the streets of Ozuboko-ama; what did I even know? A harmless beautiful time to be alive. The only pain I could remember was staying at a place when my mum used to say “Christiana, sit at a place”, that was just a lot punishment for my little busy legs.
My neighborhood was inhabited by people from common backgrounds, everybody knew each other’s family. To the best of my knowledge, we were one; especially as we spoke the same language. Fondly called ‘kelepe‘, I would go about greeting people and playing with teddy bears; though, it was plastic. We had this light skinned carpenter who saw me the other day and said “this girl you done big finish oh” in the Nigerian pidgin English which translated to “this girl, you are now grown”. In my spirit mind I said, “the guts!”
The other day, my mum and I were having a conversation. We talked about that neighbor hood, then something stroke. You know somehow, our brain has a means of removing sick memories from our head or make it a little less repulsive.
My eight years old busy legs had found its way to our family friend’s, Uncle’s room. He stayed in a single room; what took me there in particular, I can’t recall. But, he handed me over 20 naira to buy that lollipop sweet. What did I even think would be wrong with that? Harmless world we live in anyway.
I bought the sweet, and continued licking it happily. Then, I saw he proposed a bigger sweet which was in flesh with a red cap. Uncle got closer, put his big sweet in my mouth and he began to thrust; while this was ongoing, he put his hands around my throat. Little me was trying not to comprehend, because my head was on fire; trying to understand what it was, trying to understand if I should chew or scream. Then I bit it, quickly removed it from my mouth and put my lollipop back in my mouth.
Somehow; what that meat smells like, keeps coming to me. This fresh meat and same time dusty book smell keeps playing in my head; it makes me feel a little sick and sad that every time a man I like takes off his trousers, I don’t feel excited. I just feel like that is a destroyer and nothing good comes out of it. It tries to stay calm and could do all wrong once directed too, why is it shaped like a blunt knife? Why does it stand so strong at the sight of a victim?
The other day I thought; if I didn’t bite, that would mean after feeding me of his manhood, he would have gone down to my womanhood to penetrate?
The girl child molestation is even more mental damaging than its physical; thinking without circumspect, Uncle would have done worse to other children. I feel apathy towards the male other, I try to fight it; after all it wasn’t so intense. But, he did it anyways and would do more if he could.