ABOUT TO WED, BUT SHE IS OLDER; DO I GO AHEAD?

Steve had come to this orientation camp, with the aim of being oriented for his national youth service corps scheme only. It was supposed to be three weeks of extreme stress and fun too; well it was, but Steve met Onome. Onome ticked every box Steve had ever made in his head; with her, he had imagined their first daughter. Their love was the envy of many on camp. Some girls wanted Steve, some guys wanted Onome; but they stuck together. Onome had actually taught Steve how to stick to one person; they grew in love everyday.

Steve was sure he was going to get married to Onome; they grew fonder of each other as time went on. Steve could perceive Onome’s fragrance anywhere and know she’s around. When Onome was on stage for any performance she knew Steve’s assuring eyes was on her, cheering her up. They developed this telepathic connection; and one night, the night before they were to leave; they both discovered Onome was older. Steve appeared not to be much bothered about it, but Onome was bothered; really bothered about this.

She is an African woman; that must have had her dream man all the while, and of course his dream age. So what then happens to them; do they call it quits and move on to their separate ways?

Maryam Sanni, a graduate of biomedical engineering from Bells University of Technology, Nigeria; who enjoys reading and having intellectual discussions on diverse topics ranging from politics, feminism, etc. had a lot to say when quizzed on this

In her words, “Personally, I’d prefer to date someone a little bit older than me. But if the person is say one or two years younger, I could; if they are mature enough in all aspects”. She went on further to say that it’d be irresponsible of her not to have asked about age to the point of marriage but she’d go on with it. In her words, “that would be irresponsible of me but let’s assume this happens; I’d go on with it. Age is the stupidest thing to break up with someone for. Someone I was prepared to marry, that means he must have checked every other thing I wanted”.

When quizzed further on her opinion on women looking older as time went on, she disagreed; stating that, “It depends on how the woman takes care of her self; some people be 30 and act like they are 20 and the other way round too. It’s just our society and the patriarchal system we operate; where the man is seen as the head, coupled with the fact that respect is earned, based on age. How then can the head who should be respected, be younger?”

Her last statement got to me. It really did; let’s try another person now. This time, a male!

RICHARD DAPPA; known to some as Freetivation, a writer and a published author, born and raised with the gift of writing in the city of Port Harcourt, Nigeria. A graduate of chemical engineering who hopes that one day his pen would be enough to see him drop the spanner and test tube; also had a lot to say….

His first words, “Yes bro, we are not in 1985 anymore bro, Age is nothing but a number. If I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her and if she finds me worthy to be her king; then why do I say no because she is older. In the Bible, there is no law that votes against it”.

I must admit I was startled by his response; and felt I needed to quiz him further. So, I asked him; what then happens when age comes on the both of you?

He replied, “The problem is you people see love to be an appearance something. You said for better and for worse; a lot of us say it, but we don’t know what it means. You don’t love despite or because, you just love. I love you not for your face or your skin color or your smile or the way you talk or your character traits even if they all make up you; I love you and that should be it.

Wow! Was I satisfied? I wanted to dig more; there are other Steves and Onome out there, you know… So I bothered another lady, Peace Edinyang (Esq).

PEACE EDINYANG an outspoken young lawyer, chef and vlogger; with huge culinary skills from Akwa Ibom State, Nigeria; lends her voice too.

In her lullaby-like accented voice, she spoke: “Okay, that’s why whenever I meet you; I like, wanna know about you first. Before I think of getting into a relationship with you; I ask for your age, your family background, your religion; you know all those things are very essential. Not when I’ve already fallen deep into it and then I come to realize that we’re not compatible in one way or the other. So personally I cannot, I don’t know why, I just cannot. I just feel he should be older than me because I’m a very stubborn person, trust me; and if I now get to realize that you’re younger…..”

Wow! you could say she is quite the outspoken one right? yeah, I’d agree. I then asked her, “What If your friend comes to you for counsel; what do you tell her?”

Her response: “I would tell that person, it depends on his or her belief or what he or she likes. to be honest, I cannot give someone advice as regards this particular thing; cos I’d be speaking for my personal opinion.

Wow! you think that was stern? Let’s take another male.

SAMUEL ABAGA , third of six siblings, a native of Egbema in Rivers State,Nigeria. An entrepreneur and graduate of University of Port Harcourt, Rivers State, Nigeria; actually had an equally stern response.

His response, “No, honestly from my angle. I for one, I don’t fancy it. Secondly, I have all the maturity I would need from an older girl. Lastly, older girls feel on top; they sometimes pose threats of intimidating you, cause they are older.

Wow! I guess, the’s whom most of us would term the typical African man.

Another male, an adventurous man who loves challenge; electrical engineer by profession, EtINOSA EVBUOMWAN; had a few to quip in when quizzed for his opinion, opined that it depends on the gap whilst admitting it is a very dicy one. He further stated that she has to be more than worth it and he has to know its for ever.

According to him, “It boils down to you and your partner, the love you share and the depth of the love. Well, considering the fact that we’ve spent time enough to attempt to get married; we’d have to relive all the moments we’ve had and see how things can be better going forward. You know you’re older than me, so what can possibly change? We’d have to spend some more time together, to see if we both can compromise; because it’s easier said than done, some women might now see themselves as the head and can shut you up in-between disagreements. Some will still surrender to your supremacy. So like I said there’d be a long talk and if we are both willing, all fine; If there are doubts, I move.

Another female, HAMIDA MOHAMMED voiced out loudly, “Nooooooo (smiling), I like guys older than me. I rather marry someone older than me with thirty years, than to marry someone I’m older than. I don’t like childish guys”.

After reading through all of this; I am sure Onome and Steve would have come on a conclusion. But, if there was anything I learnt today; twas that I’d not be the one to give them the final verdict.

If you know anyone with a similar case, feel free to share this post to same person. Also, you can also drop your piece of advice on the comment box for anyone who’d be very grateful.

Have a nice day!

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